student 225243
Philosophy 4044 Honors Stream
Period 2 Major Thesis

For centuries, man has searched for the answers to life's great questions - who are we? Where do we come from? Is there a God? Are "Children" actually small, or just so repulsive and irritating that they appear small due to being kept at a great distance? Some of these questions may never have answers, but I believe the answer to the last, and most vital question, is finally within humanity's grasp. I propose an answer, once and for all, to this greatest of conundrums, this mystery within an enigma. I humbly submit to you, dear reader, that the answer is neither of these - in fact, "Children" are distortions within the fabric of spacetime created by fourth dimensional beings to frustrate and marginally inconvenience humans - a cosmic illusion on the grandest of scales.

The first piece of the puzzle that is the origin of "Children" can be found in the place we least expect - the almost equally mystifying entities known as "parents" or "child sympathisers". Indeed, this strange group of quasi-human creatures, loathed and pitied by most, can occasionally be coaxed into revealing some of the secrets of the "Child". Recent research papers, such as Hoope and Milhouse's famous "How is Babby Formed" have shown evidence which suggests that the "mother" (the female parent) must "do way instain" the child until it gains the ability to "frigth back". It is now obvious that "doing way instain" is the female child sympathiser's way of enabling the child to cross the pan dimensional rift towards our plane of being and begin broadcasting its auditory and olefactory signals of irritation - to "frigth back". 

While the evidence for the "what" of Children seems irrefutable, the motivation behind their pan-dimensional trickery is still a baffling questions. Perhaps the child is purely a malicious figure, acting as a cosmic force of mischief for the amusement of itself or some greater being, feeding on human misery and irritation. Or, perhaps, the answer is still more bizarre - perhaps